Chasing Illusions

You smile at me as if I’m dear
And look at me with caring eyes
And even when you’re mean to me
It’s just affection in disguise
I want to reach, I want to grasp
Those sweet illusions I could have of you
But my mind denies because it knows
That they can’t possibly be true

The childish way you call me names
And pat my head so playfully
Is how you claim that I am yours
And show that you belong to me
But then with such obvious lies
Of made-up illusions I want of you
My mind cannot allow such dreams
I must endure only what’s true

We have been close for quite a while
And they say time makes feelings grow
And you fell hard for me but you’re
Somehow afraid to let me know
For just a moment, if I could have
That silly illusion to think of you
But my mind won’t let me play
I’m bound to suffer for what is true

All I have is reality’s pain
I can’t even take a break
As I begin with happy thoughts
My mind tells me it’s a mistake
For even just a glimpse of those
Illusions I want to make of you
My mind is quick to disapprove
Unless you declare them to be true

And when you smile as if I’m dear
And look at me with caring eyes
I’m told not to be misled
Cause you’re a devil in disguise
And the only way that I could grasp
The illusions that I need of you
Is if you fool my mind with words
And tell me that you love me too

If I Could

If I could whisper tender words
into your ear and see you smile
Or rest my head on your shoulder
to relax for just a while
Or put my arms around you
when I sense you’re feeling low
If I could, I’d do these things
without fearing you’d say no

If I could hear your thoughts and understand
why you see your life that way
Or know your feelings when they don’t match
the words you prefer to say
Or make you speak your mind so honestly
the same way that I do
If I could, I’d do these things
to understand the truth of you

If I could blind your eyes from seeing
all the flaws you see in me
Or trick your ears to hear my words
in some sweet melody
Or make you see that I am trying
to be better than I am
If I could, I’d do these things
but would you even give a damn?

If I could say I love you
without having to see you frown
If I could say I miss you
every time you’re not around
If I could, I’d make you love me
make you see that this is good
If I could, I’d do these things
if I could, I would.

Dominate

Maybe a little manipulation
To my genes would do
I could have the super powers
And the strong will to
Be the evil genius
The villain who
Could dominate the world
But I can’t dominate you

Even if I have
The strength I crave
Might even be the hero
Who could heal and save
Have the power to make
The world behave
But I could never be more
Than just your slave

I could rule
The beings of
The hells below
And the heavens above
But you, I can’t take
Control of
That’s probably why
Its you I love

If in this world
I could be divine
Even so
That’s just not fine
For in your world
I’m left behind
But feel free to
Dominate mine

Fatal Flame

I open my eyes
But I see the dark
The colors are dim
And my heart won’t spark
Then you came so sudden
I was caught unaware
By your alluring fire
With the enticing glare

And without thinking
I’m hooked to your flame
That beautiful blaze
That drives me insane
Will you keep the fire burning?
Can’t even guess
And in that instant
I became a mess

Do I miss the darkness?
Do I hate the light?
If you leave, I will tremble
But I will not fight
I’ll go back to the dark
That I know so well
That has been with me through
The times that I fell

And covered in darkness
I will reminisce
Your warm embrace
Your addictive kiss
And helplessly wonder
What’s in your head
Would you ever say the words
You never said?

But the fire still burns
And the flames are hot
So what am I to you?
What am I not?
Is the fire just a fire
That will someday
Begin to flicker
And fade away?

My wounds are deep
Will you make them worse?
Are you a cure
Or are you a curse?
Is this for certain
Or a fiery game?
Is this a warmth that heals
Or a fatal flame?

(Either way, I will never be the same
For I’ll be cured by the warmth of the fire
Or cursed by the scars of the flame)

Game

Lie to me
Don’t treat me fair
Show disgust
Show you don’t care

Look at me
With killing eyes
That hide the truth
Behind the lies

I’m not afraid
Because I know
Of things that you
Would never show

So speak to me
With cruel words
Than say gentle ones
That sound absurd

Words like love
You’ll never say
It’s funny how
You’re made that way

It’s so insane
I see through you
But I won’t say
I love you too

‘Til you’re man enough
To show what’s true
I’ll keep my truth
Hidden too

This little game
Is fun to play
But give up first
Or I’ll go away

Stay that way…
Keep me at bay…
With this game you play…
And I’ll go away.

Through A Reflection

I glance at the screen in front of me
Caught a glimpse of you passing by
Through a reflection, I see you walk away
And the screen reflects my quiet sigh

I stand up to take a break with friends
And hold back the attention I want to give to you
I return to the screen where my work resides
And the reflection observes me as I think of you

If by chance I get to talk to you
I’m calm and I say things casually
But the screen reflects an anxious face
As I wait for your reply to me

When you wear the shirt I’ve given you
I refuse to show my happy smile
Inspired, my work is heavy less and less
And the reflection sees that I smile for a while

I miss the time when I could express what I feel
In silly ways and without disguise
Stubborn and childish, I chose to ignore
The disapproval that reflected in your eyes

I chose to change when you broke my heart
By refusing to break it like I asked
And the screen reflected my teary face
As I went on quietly with my task

So I keep my silence and won’t express
The affection I still feel for you
And the me that my screen reflects
Is more mature because of you

And from time to time, that screen in front of me
Catches a glimpse of you passing by
Through a reflection, I see you walk away
And the screen reflects my quiet sigh

Just Being With You

I was okay with it
Just being with you
Laughing with you
Laughing at you

Every time you approach
I feel kinda special
Haven’t you noticed
I respond to you more and more

I’m crossing the line here
Half-step by half-step
Just being with you
Is not anymore enough

So I’m falling kinda fast now
It’s only normal
You’re too insane
To leave me unaware

I can’t control the feeling
So there’s no point in trying
To stop myself from falling
Even if you don’t catch me

If only I could
Get back the comfort
Where just being with you
Is just enough