Come Home

I watch your back as you walk away from me
Into the distant dark you go
I could still feel the warmth of your embrace
Moments ago

You give the final wave from afar
I wave back with a smile
But my heart is clenched with the thought
That you’d be leaving again for a while

I stand alone and cold
On the ground where we used to stand
Where we used to laugh and cry and kiss
Holding hands

The pain of letting you go
And the joy of seeing you again
Will keep me waiting for your return
Which I know not when

Go out into the world and live
As I stay here in my own reality
Believing in that one day when
You’ll come home and return to me

I believe in our forever
And that’s why I shall be strong
So you can run into my arms
And see my smile when you come home

Because I’ll be waiting,
Smiling,
When you come home.
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I Just Want Him Safe

I call to you to keep him safe
Are you listening to me?
I want you watching him
Because I can’t
I’m just a helpless girl
Who doesn’t know a thing
About prayer
Well, I’m praying now
Desperately

I call to you to keep him safe
Are you listening to me?

Do I have the right to pray
So doubtfully like this?
There’s no one else to turn to
And I’m afraid
Please make him strong enough
To be alright
Please get him through the night
While I pray in half-belief
To the one he trusts completely

Do I have the right to pray
So doubtfully like this?

Allow me to pretend
To believe and trust you
That’s the best I could attempt
To fight the haunting thoughts
Of his body on the pavement
Lifeless, breathless, cold
Imagination unfolds
And I’m trembling
I’m afraid to lose him

Please allow me to pretend
To believe and trust you

Allow me to embrace
This flicker of faith
There’s this hollow feeling
Of not knowing
And I can’t find someone else to run to
So pardon me if I call you
I mean no disrespect
I’m just a helpless girl
Who’s so afraid

So allow me to embrace
This flicker of faith

I just want him safe.

Birthday

Black card folded
Glue name design
Hands on pencil
Stuck for a time
Couldn’t figure out
What to write about
To somehow make things special for you

Words filled the paper
But I’m not content
None could compare
To the things that I meant
How can I say
In some special way
That I’m somehow complete with you

Twenty years ago
When you took your first breath
And saw the first light
The same breath you breathe
When you whisper goodnight
When you speak to me words
That somehow seem right
They make sense
Yes, you bring the sense to my life

The best I can give
Are the words of my heart
The life that I live
May have torn me apart
But the fact that you care
That you’ll always be there
Makes it light
Life is worth living with you

I so want to say
Let’s marry away
I so want to feel
That trust that could heal
The patches of pain in you
I want to love you through and through
But I’m trapped in the dark
And I try to break free
And I beg you to wait for me
Please wait
I believe in you and me

Twenty years ago
When you took your first breath
And saw the first light
The same breath you breathe
When you tell me goodnight
When you whisper words
That somehow seem right
They make sense
Yes, you bring the sense to my life

And there are things I’ll prove to be true
Happy birthday, I love you

Moment

Here I am
Thinking of you
Again.
Wondering how long
Till this ends
Waiting in pain
For you to realize
That I’m not the one
I’m just someone
Meant to be with you
For a moment of your life
And a moment of mine

Are you thinking of forever,
I wonder?
Are you thinking of a future
For us?
Are you thinking
“Will this last?”
While I ask
“Will it really?”
Damn, I love you dearly
But I’m going crazy
Because I know
That part of you
Belongs to her alone
And that part of you she owns
Is a part of you
That will always be drawn to her
Always come back to her
Always
Because she
Is a part of you
And I can’t compete with that

So here I am
Thinking of you
Again.
Wondering if I should say
How I’m feeling
What I’m feeling
Why I’m feeling this way
But you don’t need to know
What is happening to me
Either way, I’m alright
No matter how much I cry tonight
I’ll be fine
Because today
You are mine
But tomorrow
The sun doesn’t have to shine
I don’t mind at all
I’ve already built a special wall
Just to protect me
So you see
You don’t have to be
So worried over me
I know
You’d never want to hurt me so
As I know
Your feelings are not yours to control
It’s not your fault
If you end up knowing
You still love her after all
You may leave me anytime
I’ll be perfectly fine
Because for a moment
You were mine.

And so.
Here I am.
Thinking of you.
Again.

Sigh

Here I am
Frozen in time and space
Wondering what to do next
What’s right
What’s not
When all I end up doing
Is what I want
Even though I know
It would tear me apart

Here I am
Frozen in time and space
Listening to your voice
As you sing beside me
Who are you singing to?
No one but yourself?
still, at the back of my mind
I watch you
I listen to you
And feel my heart break
To the tune of your song

I’m trying my best
To take care of you
You’re so vulnerable
So fragile
But I wonder
If I embrace you
Will it change anything?

I go home and leave you
I am alone and I feel empty
And the radio plays
The song you sang
I can’t forget you
I don’t even try

You know
I’ll be here if you need me
And I’ll take care of you
Even if it breaks my heart

Falling

I stand still outside myself
Watching me watching you
And no one can see how much I bleed
But me

I reach out to myself
As I fall apart at the loss of you
But no one knows that I lost you
Not even you

I had to show you what I feel
And at the same time, keep my distance
For your sake

My feelings are secondary
And I watch myself set it all aside
Numb and empty
Hoping nothing
Wishing nothing
Doubting everything

In the dark,
Enveloped in pain
I smile
Just because I was right all along

I knew
Just by your smile
And the look in your eyes
That you belong to no one but her

Please
Let me turn away
Please
Let me let you go
Please
Tell me
You don’t need me anymore

But she’s gone
And you’ve got no one else but me
Or do you?

And your smile
And the look in your eyes
Tell me
That you need me

So I shall simply comply

While I watch myself break my heart in two

Simple-looking Guy

Hey, you
Simple-looking guy
Stand up
Take a breath and sigh
Embrace
All your pain inside
‘Cause it won’t go away
With the gentleness of your smile

Hey, you
Simple-looking guy
Speak up
There’s so much to clarify
Don’t think
Don’t even use your head
Just speak and let it flow
Say how much your heart has bled

Simple-looking guy
Yet so intricate inside
Please make them understand
How your loneliness survived
Try to make it clear
That what you hold so dear
Has left
And you, simple-looking guy
Can’t speak
Or breathe
Or take one step

And so you just be
Who you’re supposed to be
Who you seem to be
Just that simple-looking guy
Sitting next to me

Hey, you
Simple-looking guy
Cheer up
Without a reason why
Just laugh
Or smile at me that way
And for a moment, please forget
The loneliness of your day

Hey, you
Simple-looking guy
Hey, you
Man who doesn’t cry
Don’t speak
Don’t even say a word
‘Bout how painful it all is
How all of life has blurred

Just be
Who you’re supposed to be
Who you seem to be
Just that simple-looking guy
Sitting next to me